Caliente

There's something about this movie that sticks in my craw for some reason. Normally, I wouldn't think twice about something so Brosnian, but each time I view a preview or thumb an ad for it, I become slightly peeved. I couldn't figure it out, but then it hit me. It seems that Julianne Moore is following the Napoleanic quest that so many of her forbears have tried before, and have failed miserably at: Upon receiving critical acclaim for a role, or in Moore's case, roles, the actress feels compelled to fling herself into copious amounts of shite, splashing it onto her audience as she does so. Come ON, Ms. Myth of Fingerprints! What is the rush to do another romantic comedy? Can't we all just watch Sleepless in Seattle for the forty-fifth time on TBS and call it a day?

You heard it here first: Britney Spears is a big skank.

The FBI is putting a bounty out for hate groups on the web. Sounds like bad news for the AFA.

**Op Ed Alert** I just have to say that I wish I could like Phantom Planet. After Rushmore came out, and I read about the band in People magazine (sue me), I tried my damnedest to love and treasure them. But I just can't. They're awful, and I'm sorry I failed. I even forced myself to watch "Big Brat" all the way through a few times, once with a glass of wine to loosen me up, and it still didn't help. They're trying too hard to be The Strokes, when we all know that they're just The Beach Boys in tattered clothing. The result is tedious at best. Vive Brian Wilson.

"This gave Jacquese the opportunity to do his usual high-fiving and giggling, which he does every time someone in the house hooks up. Jacquese is the Ed McMahon of one-night stands." If you have any sense (of humor), you'll be reading this man's RW recap.

Also, how is The West Wing still on?

Hahahahahaha. (But a qualified hahahahahaha, since Friedman is a genius.)

I don't know how I feel about this, but I hope it comes off as honorable and reverent. Is there anyone out there who could watch the ten seconds of it and NOT want a new administration? Scary as it is to admit this, I'm not even certain that Kerry could handle what he'd be stepping into if elected. That won't stop me from voting for him, however.

Shots were fired at a recent J-Kwon video shoot. Nobody was hurt, thankfully, as the world would be an empty and saddened place if we weren't blessed with another monotonous and toothy piece of crap to watch on MTV eighty times a day.

Lastly, I'd like to introduce the Scarlett Johansson Crazy Watch. Beautiful, talented, compelling to regard, nutty as the day is long. I recently read somewhere that her mother pulled her out of a movie and hired writers to rewrite the same movie, throwing caution/plagiarism to the wind. Also, that whole Benicio del Toro romance thing was apparently cooked up by Scarlett's PR people. She's moved on to Jordan Catalano. But, the CRAZIEST item of all, is that she's signed on to co-star in Mission Impossible: 3. Doesn't she know that the "3" denotes "sequel?" Which in turn denotes poo?

Or doody, if you prefer.