Sometimes I need something to break my heart so bad that my mouth waters. I recognize this in other people (two so far) and I almost say it out loud to them. Perhaps it's not the breaking I need but the acknowledg(e)ment. I can feel my heart racing around the room and down the street after things and skidding up to edges.
Music helps, but not always.
But Not Always is the name of my new band. We're sort of emo/fashion.
My boss got me a Christmas present. I got her nothing. Doubly wrong because I really like her. I gave her a hearty embrace instead.
I've been thinking a lot about love lately. Something my beloved advisor said has haunted me for days now. He said that love is something one never walks away from and that it isn't a feeling but a condition. Even writing that has ruined me for at least this night. A condition in that, if you love, nothing else is experienced without it. The opposite of lust even though lust is encompassed inside it.
And something else: someone told a story in class about having a crush on a mentally challenged handsome young man who had to ask her how to spell 'love.'
I feel like I could love everyone I see. I want to take them in and hold them and smooth the hair and wrap scarves around necks.
Carrion Doves by Crooked Fingers is all I have to say right now about heartbreak.
Ignore me. I do.