K-9 8 7 6 5-Year Old

I went up to NYC this weekend to visit the illustrious Kathleen for her illustrious 25th birthday. (Ha! Seeing as anybody who reads this already knows that and/or actually saw me in NYC this weekend, the previous information serves only to remind me that I don't need to be reminded.) I ate two Murray's Bagels and one Magnolia cupcake. I saw Ethan Hawke within thirty seconds of being in Chelsea. He was walking along under his umbrella, almost to his obvious destination, Abracadabra. He was, contrary to Gawker's stalkers, neither hideous nor cracked out (but aren't these the same thing, Lindsay? Shut the hell up). More importantly, I saw Annie Barrett IN THE FLESH. Though, I was very drunk. I seem to remember proposing marriage to her. What do you want from me, Annie? I'm not made of stone.

I just drank a Diet Coke. Is there anything more disgusting? My mouth tastes like the inside of a fart. Did it stop me from enjoying it, swishing it around with my Pepperidge Farm Goldfish? The answer, horribly, is No.

I went home today at lunch, as usual, and after letting my precious Lulu out to pee and giving her a nasty ass rawhide to chew on and then following her to the couch to obsessively watch her enjoying her nasty ass treat, I discovered that she had vomited on the couch. A normal person would be like, "Hmm. Vomit::sickness as This blog::boredom. I shouldn't let her finish that rawhide, for she may expunge herself of it. She'll thank me later." Instead, I finished making my Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and turned a blind eye. Who am I to stand in the way of happiness, even if that happiness causes one to become physically ill? Perfect example: I make it a point never to stop myself from watching a Julia Roberts movie.

I ordered a Calamondin Orange Tree for my Bunny's mom for Christmas. She's an atheist, which means their Christmas is like a month after the Lord's. Which makes it perfectly okay that I just ordered it and it takes 1-2 weeks for delivery. The oranges are tart and great for marmalades! Pass it on!

I'm reading Barack Obama's book right now, Dreams from my Father. Not only is this man handsome, smart, and a Democrat, he also can write circles around most of the kids in my Fiction Workshop. I can't wait to go home and watch Pretty Woman.