Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Mistake My Gagging for a Smile

I've decided that from now on all my titles will be Cap'n Jazz lyrics. It's just too draining to think of something different every single time. Meaning only one thing: I'm definitely lazy.

My only friend, Kathleen, has started a blog. Go read it; she's very funny and smart, and most importantly she's extremely pretty. If the old saying is true, about how pretty girls only hang out with other pretty girls, than I'm obviously pretty by default. Which is the best kind of pretty. I'll leave that up to your imagination. At least until someone invents some sort of device which will allow one's image to be frozen into a million little pixels and transmitted across cyberspace to your waiting eyes. Fingers crossed!

Another site that should be 'checked out,' as the kids say, is Will Franken's. I've never met this man/woman, but I feel that I know shim already. He's a (fucking hilarious) comedian, formerly known as 'The Living Room,' who currently lives in San Francisco, and sometimes he's a woman. But the cherry on top is that he is clearly insane. Which is the best kind of comedian.

Let me now apologize to Jason Percenterprises, for the comment I made, which spawned yet another political debate on his poor unsuspecting site. I just couldn't help myself. Ignorance makes me angry, but educated ignorance makes me even angrier. Again, my apologies.

Drunk Guy Jenga: even funnier because he's wearing a blazer.

***DISCLAIMER: The following is a personal reflective pondering. DO NOT READ if you're looking for Britney gossip or Paris Hilton's (fake, overly dramatized) bruises.***

A few weeks ago, I was waiting to make a right onto a busy road. The cars coming from my left were slowing down and even stopping, so I strained to see why. When I looked down, I saw a mother duck trying to herd her baby duckling up onto the sidewalk from the busy road. This was amazing, because they'd obviously come from the lake ACROSS the busy road, meaning they'd already had to cross through traffic speeding one way, and now they were trying to cross the speeding traffic the other way. I was happy at the sight of the cars stopping, but then I looked closer. On the road about six inches from the sidewalk was another baby duckling, which had obviously been run over. The other baby duckling kept trying to go back to it, and the mother was frantically trying to usher it away from the dead duckling and onto the sidewalk. They finally made it, and the mother never looked back. It was the most horrifying sight I'd ever seen.

This morning, I was running by this lake, which I always admire because there are these beautiful iridescent ducks which live there, and also there is a slight breeze that collects on the water and brushes past me, cooling me down for a minute. Anyway, this morning I noticed the neck and head of a duck sticking out of the water, and it was silently quacking, and I thought it was fishing for something, or bathing. But then it slowly dipped completely down into the water, and stayed there. I stopped running and waited for it to re-surface, but it never did. I walked down to the edge of the lake, looking for something to throw at whatever it was that had taken the duck down, but there was nothing. I waited for a few seconds more, but there was no sign of it, not even bubbles where it had disappeared. It was gone, dead.

My question is this: Why am I witnessing so many duck tragedies? I once read this book where a woman kept seeing a pregnant doe, and ultimately she learned from the doe about her own motherly instincts and blah blah blah. But why am I a part of this? What am I to learn from these ducks dying horrific deaths and experiencing crippling sadness, other than the fact that the world is obviously evil and coming to an end? More importantly: is this the last of the duck visions? I just keep thinking of that mother duck, never looking back at her smashed little one. Horrible.


In closing, go read this poem by Frank O'Hara. It's the truth, finally.

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