Alright listen up

Last night, I had a giant beer and no dinner, and then I went to a reading. And then I had a giant goblet of wine. And then my rape-y personality came out in full force. I may have flirted with someone's mother-in-law. I may have professed my love for someone I barely know. I may have made a joke about "cutting in" while people made out. I may have brandished a length of twine and a mallet. Okay not that last thing. But I may as well have.

It was like encountering that warm patch in your neighbor's pool, and in your terror to swim out, you actually swim deeper in. That's basically how I handled the situation - I dove right into that warm patch, mouth open.

All day long, I am surrounded by people I adore and who I can say anything to. I mean anything. No holds barred. It's pretty much constantly a to-the-death competition to out-horrify each other. So when I'm out in social situations that don't involve those people, I act like a goddamned idiot. Okay, maybe that's harsh? More accurately, I come off like BTK mated with Ted Bundy and then hired Marie Noe to raise me, and all she fed me was mini Hershey bars and espresso.

But all of this is to say that, if you encounter me in a public setting, and I start peppering the small talk with "date rape" and "diamond nips" and "Help me carry something to my car," please forgive me, and please change the subject.

Football. I like talking about football.

I'm on the right.

Rock Band Aerobics Tape

I saw Small Brown Bike last night at the Subterranean. First I went to a Polish wedding in Palos Hills, but that's another story. SBB was fanfuckingtastic, even considering the fact that I was stuck next to two douchebags in matching Urban Outfitters '99 wear who only really got excited when they played Future with No Friend. At one point Ben asked the crowd to consider registering with a bone marrow bank (the show was a benefit for a friend who'd successfully battled leukemia) and one of the douchebags turned to the other douchebag and made a poo-poo face and shook his head vigorously. I hope you get AIDS, I thought to myself. But then I felt bad for thinking it.

Keleton DMD was one of the opening acts. Holy everything they were amazing. You can also listen to them here if you scroll down.


The Vacuum.


Video for Safe in Sound. Note: this video attempts something cool but fails. I'm sorry, I just can't buy bigass Travis falling prey to Crispin Glover. And does anyone remember that movie, The Lady in White?


Yahweh, I love the Internet.